Image via WikipediaLosing Hope: The elder care facility where my mother has been for the last couple of weeks or so has three levels. One is basically a "nursing home." That's where my mother has been, since she left the hospital. Next up the hierarchy is "independent living," in the apartments. You can make them into "assisted living" by hiring people to come in to help out. Next up from that are the villas, actual houses, with yards and stuff. In the "independent living" apartments, the old person gets a really nice apartment, and two meals a day, plus some cleaning and checking-on by staff. If the old person needs more, she pays for it. There are all kinds of activities scheduled, all day long, and a pool and a gym, and a bank and a library, and people playing bridge. All of that; very nice. The old folks (almost all women, of course) in the apartments are (from what I have seen) quiet, gentle souls. They glide around with their walkers, talking quietly to each other, or to the staff people. It's a Methodist outfit. Really upscale Methodist.
My mother has never been a quiet, gentle soul. At home, she tends to get into arguments with people: with neighbors, shopkeepers, dentists, the bank... basically, with everyone. And in the nursing home, she has sometimes been verbally abusive to staff people, and very demanding. Yesterday, she pinched an aide. She is paranoid, sometimes to the point of outright delusions. She often refuses to take her medications. She believes that I am stealing from her.
And I found out yesterday that this nice facility does not want my mother in their apartments.
If a nice facility does not want to take in your difficult old mother, what they say is that they "cannot meet her needs." They say that their apartments would not provide "the best option for her." And, if I am being objective, I can totally understand their position. I know exactly what she is like, and I know that I could never live under the same roof with her. And all of this leaves me (and my mother) in a terribly difficult predicament. I know that if she goes back to her house, she will not permit caregivers to come in and help her (I have hired people, before, and she runs them off). She will want me to do everything for her. And if I were to try to do that, I would be unable to work, and I would lose my mind.
And if I let my mother just live there, in her house, without any help, I will be legally and morally guilty of neglect.
I am all the family that she has. She has no friends.
Today I will begin the search for other "assisted living" facilities. They will want to review her chart, and talk with her. I'm losing hope.
0 comments:
Post a Comment