Looking at Mother's Brain

Image via WikipediaLooking at Mother's brain: My mother had a very rough night at the hospital, Sunday night. The nursing staff had an even rougher night, because my mother was furious about everything. She pulled the IV out of her arm, she hollered, she cursed, she rang her call bell over and over. At 88, very frail, and confused, she is considered a "fall risk," so they have assigned a tech to sit with her all the time, to help her when she gets up to go to the bathroom, or when she gets up to try to go home. She is very nasty to her tech, of course. The thing is, this isn't the confusion that's causing this behavior. This is how she generally is, when she isn't getting her way. The confusion is just making the whole situation worse.

Yesterday her oncologist came by. This current hospitalization doesn't seem, on the surface, related to the lung cancer he has treated her for; but he's a really good doctor, and one of the only people she trusts. So he came by. She had just come back from a CT scan of her brain that the other doctor had ordered (still wondering what's causing the sudden onset of confusion). We looked at the brain images together. I could see that there is some atrophy, but nothing really inconsistent just with being 88 years old; and he said he could see no indications of a mass. He was wondering if her cancer had metastasized to the brain. Cancer can cause the kind of electrolyte imbalances that she has; and electrolyte imbalances can cause confusion. So, the question remains: what's going on with her, and is it reversible (at least, in the short term)? In other words, can she go home, or not?

My mother's greatest fear (as she has told me many times, throughout my life) is "being put in the nursing home." My greatest nightmare is living under the same roof with her. This is going to be so very painful for both of us... Over and over again I am noticing my dread, and naming it, and shifting my attention to whatever is around me. This morning I walked out in the yard with the dogs, and felt the air against my skin. It was cool, and damp, and very pleasant.