Image by Rubira via FlickrBecoming the Enemy: My mother has always believed that people are cheating her and stealing from her. She has created many, many problems over the years by accusing people of stealing or cheating, refusing to pay people for work they have done for her, refusing to let people in her house because they might take her stuff, not letting her dog stay outside in the (fenced) yard for very long, because she thinks someone might steal him (and, as a result, he often urinated in her house). This kind of relating to the world and to other people is called Paranoid Personality Disorder. It does not respond well to any known form of treatment; that is partly because people with this problem do not think that there is anything wrong with them. Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish Paranoid Personality Disorder from full-blown Delusional Disorder, and sometimes a person can fluctuate, back and forth, from the more severe version to the relatively milder version.
Paranoia overlaps quite a bit with narcissism. It's a way of thinking that is very self-referential; a person who is paranoid tends to think that everything is about her. She thinks that everyone is talking about her, or plotting against her, or she thinks that everyone wants whatever it is that she has. And it is really impossible to persuade or argue people out of their paranoid ideas; they can always find a way to support their accusations and beliefs. Sometimes they will simply fabricate, or confabulate, supporting evidence; they are not really consciously lying, but rather their minds are trying to create consistency. For example, my mother came to believe that her next door neighbor (who is a very, very nice man, someone who has over the years helped her in many ways) threw a tree branch over the fence into her back yard. In fact, the branch came down from her own huge elm tree during a big storm. She called the police about it. She called the police more than once about it. They sent officers out, and eventually one of them helped her to move the limb from her yard. She now believes not only that her neighbor maliciously threw the limb into her yard, but that the police asked her to call them about the neighbor, and that they told her that the neighbor is "a jerk," and "a problem."
Now that my mother is in a skilled nursing facility, she believes that I am the enemy, and that I am stealing her money. Yesterday, she said that she had "heard" that I have been "writing checks" on her. She knows, or knew at one time, that I have been paying her bills and taking care of her house and her dog. But now she seems to think that I am writing checks for my own benefit. It seems likely that I will have to petition the court to be appointed her guardian, because she just does not seem capable of understanding her medical condition(s) or complying with treatment. When and if I do have to pursue guardianship, that will make me "the enemy," in her eyes, forever. This is so, so very painful.
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