Out in California the Supreme Court held its arguments on the issue of whether it is constitutional (under their state’s constitution) to limit marriage to heterosexual couples. (Here is the NYT article about the various arguments.)
I have always found these declarations to be fascinating, in part because they are often voiced by people who consider themselves to be at least moderately “tolerant” and accepting of gay and lesbian people. Yet these same people seem not to understand the obvious repugnance embodied in their declarations, in that they clearly imply that something that is “special” should obviously be permitted only to heterosexual couples (i.e., they embody the belief that gay and lesbian couples are inferior); and the way in which they (almost laughably) seem to be insisting that heterosexual marriage would be somehow cheapened by allowing the (obviously inferior) gay/lesbian marriages to coexist with it.
It would be helpful, I think, if the opponents of gay/lesbian marriage would take a look at their own arguments, and the assumptions that they embody. It’s OK, really, to recognize feelings of fear, anger, or even repugnance toward gay and lesbian people. Homophobia is like racism: in this society, we grow up with it, we are immersed in it, and none of us can totally escape its influence. Even if we disapprove of our own homophobic and racist thoughts and feelings, we can’t simply extract them from our minds, and it isn’t useful to deny that they are part of us. But we can become more conscious of and clear about our own thoughts and feelings, and make choices about our behavior based on what we really believe to be the compassionate, courageous, and correct path, instead of allowing fears and distorted stereotypes to call the shots in our lives.
And, on that note, I offer another quote from Rumi:
Hold on to the reins of Love and don’t be afraid
Hold on to the real behind the false
and don’t be afraid.
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