Meditation: You Don't HAVE to "Like" it.

My first training and teaching about meditation (other than by reading books, that is), was at the Kansas Zen Center, in Lawrence, Kansas. I went there because I wanted to learn about, and practice, meditation. There were other reasons as well, but right now my point is that, with respect to meditation, my overall attitude was highly positive. This does not mean that I found formal sitting meditation to be easy, or particularly pleasant. Sometimes it was downright miserable, especially during retreats, when we would sit for many hours every day. My knees would hurt terribly, and when I wasn’t preoccupied with hurting knees, I was often falling asleep. But at the Zen Center, we had a supportive group, all sitting meditation together. And all of us who were part of that community did sitting meditation without much complaint; after all, meditation is a big part of Zen practice.

Much later, when I began to use mindfulness-based interventions with patients in my psychotherapy practice, I found that many (well, maybe the proper word is “most”) people are not nearly as positively disposed toward meditation as I was, and not nearly so willing to stick it out when it is difficult. And even those who are positively disposed often have unrealistic expectations about meditation: for example, expecting that they will quickly enter some kind of “state of bliss,” or at least that they will experience a comfortable relaxation when they engage in the practice. Now, when I teach mindfulness-based interventions to graduate students in counseling, I find that the most common response, overall, is: “But what if my client doesn’t like mindfulness practice?” This is occasionally interspersed with the somewhat surprised report that: “My client really likes mindfulness!”

I have worked with this business of liking/not liking meditation practice for years, but I still find myself somewhat taken aback by it. This is partly because it was never a problem for me (I did not expect meditation to be blissful or easy, but I did hope that it would somehow be helpful to me); and partly because I find it hard to helpfully respond to people who seem unwilling to do anything that they do not “like,” even when they are seeking help (e.g., in counseling). So I have worked out some approaches to take, in the way of explanation and encouragement. Following is an early version of a piece that will end up being in a manual that I am writing:

WHY MEDITATE?

Those who participate in mindfulness programs (such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, or Mindfulness-Based Wellness) are sometimes confused about the importance of meditation. They might not have realized that “mindfulness practice,” as it is usually taught today, includes various forms and practices of meditation.

So, why should you practice meditation? Meditation is mental exercise, or “mind training”…. AND it has a positive impact on the brain.

Meditation is mental exercise, and it strengthens and changes the mind/brain in the same way that lifting weights or aerobic exercise changes the skeletal muscles, lungs, and heart. To get the benefits of weight training, we have to set aside time for engaging in weight training. This is like setting aside time for engaging in formal mindfulness practice, or meditation. We cannot attain the benefits of weight training by reading books about exercise physiology, or by thinking about how wonderful it is (or would be) to be physically strong and fit. The same is true of mind training. We must actually engage in the practice (or the work) of mental training, in order to attain any benefit. It is not enough to read books or listen to talks about meditation.

Here are some of the changes in body/mind/brain that appear to be gained by meditation practice:

· Improved mood

· Improved immune function

· Capacity to flourish in stressful situations

· Greater sense of spiritual connection

Meditation gives us the habit of awareness: of knowing what is going on in the here and now, in our environments and in our minds/hearts.

When integrated with values-based goal-setting, meditation enhances your capacity to direct your attention, e.g., to what you are thinking right now (your thoughts); AND also your capacity to re-direct your attention to whatever would be beneficial to you right now, e.g., recalling your goals and values (reflecting your true self).

We could describe this as a two-step process:

Practice Awareness (pay attention)

AND

Direct Attention (to a valued target)

When we have engaged in attentional training (mindfulness practice), we find that we approach life situations in more skillful, wiser ways. Here is an example of how this works: a person who struggles with alcohol abuse drives past the bar where he sometimes hangs out, drinking… he might remain in a totally mindless state, pull into the parking lot, and go inside. He gets drunk, and then later he will say: “I don’t know what I was thinking! It just happened!”

If he does pay attention to his thoughts and impulses, he will notice that all sorts of things are going on in his mind: “Ah, there is the Dew Drop Inn! My favorite bar! I am thinking that I want to go in there and have a drink… my friends will be in there… It would be fun! But… I will probably get drunk, and then hate myself…. But… this urge to drink is so strong, I can’t help it, I really need a drink… Anyway, everyone says that I’m just an alcoholic, I might as well not fight it…. And, this time maybe I’ll just have a couple of drinks…” And then he pulls into the parking lot, and goes in the door, feeling as if he is out of control. He probably gets drunk.

But if he has developed the habit of noticing his thoughts, feelings and impulses, AND noticing that they are transient, and do not necessarily represent Truth or Reality, AND if he has learned to REDIRECT his attention to the thoughts (values and goals) that represent his true self, then he will compassionately observe all that mental chatter, and then remember that what he really wants to choose in his life is not to sit in a bar and drink, not to get drunk, but to live a life of dignity and clarity… and then he can drive past the bar, and do something that reflects his true self (who he really is). He can go to the gym, play with his kids, write a few pages of his novel… whatever is consistent with his values and goals.

Of course you can apply this example to any number of difficult life situations: chronically negative interactions with children or partners; consumerism; unhealthy eating patterns; excessive time spent on the computer or watching TV…

What you can see is that what this person has learned to do is to PAY ATTENTION to what is going on, both in his environment (there’s the bar, and it looks pretty attractive to him right then) and also in his mind/heart (wanting to drink; anticipating good feelings and fearing bad consequences; arguing with himself; rationalizing), AND to compassionately DISENGAGE from all that chatter, and to REDIRECT ATTENTION (to what he most deeply desires and values, which is to live a life of dignity and clarity).

This is precisely what we do in meditation practice. We focus on the sensations of our breathing. Then we notice a lot of mental chatter, physical discomfort, noise, impulses to scratch and fidget. We compassionately disengage from all that, and redirect our attention to the sensations of our breathing. We do this, over and over again, much like an athlete or a musician practices a movement, over and over again.

And then, in daily life, we utilize and build on our mind-training. We pay attention to the here and now, including our own reactions to what we experience from moment to moment. And, when we notice that we have become lost in the past, or in the future, or maybe nowhere at all, we bring our attention back to whatever is going on right now. What are my thoughts, my physical sensations, my emotions? What action could I take right now that would bring me into alignment with my true self, my values, my goals?

One easy way to build this into daily life is to create a trigger for yourself, something that you do several times, every day. An example would be: opening a door. I can resolve that every time I open a door, today, I will take just a moment to slow down a bit, and to re-orient myself to the here and now. Take a breath. What are my thoughts? What is going on around me? What is happening with me, emotionally? In my body? Insofar as possible, bring an attitude of compassion (or, at least, non-judgment) to all of this. Then move on through that doorway, and into your life!